Embrace the camera

Embracing the camera with Elana! (Leah took this picture)

In all seriousness, I really think we need to enroll this girl in gymnastics.

I mean, she did all of this without me even teaching her!

Oh, and then she said:"take a picture of me doing this and put in on the computer! Like that everyone can see how awesome I am!"

Apparently we have totally failed in the modesty department.

sitting up

After seeing this post from my sister in law Sarah, I decided to put the pressure on Elana to sit up. I was like, come on Elana, look what your cousin Logan can do!

After I said that, she got real determined and all of sudden started sitting supporter with her boppy pillow!

Nothing like a little peer pressure to motivate a baby to sit.

Embrace the camera

Embracing the camera while wearing my baby on this beautiful day outside.

And some other cute pictures just for the heck of it.

Anger

For as long as I remember, I have struggled with anger. Not huge, raging, out of control anger; more like irritability, impatience, little tolerance for others, passive aggressive and eye rolling, humorous sarcasm anger. Ask anyone who knows me well, and they will tell you that little things drive me crazy. People who write checks at the grocery store (I mean seriously, who writes checks now a days!), slow drivers, fast drivers, tardiness of others, traffic, bad service at restaurants, the list goes on and on. Essentially anything that gets in the way of me accomplishing my goals tends to set me off. I tend to deal with this anger in a socially acceptable way so that others don’ think badly of me, but it’s there in my heart, nonetheless.

And then I had kids. Talk about keeping me from accomplishing my goals! Sometimes it seems like my children plot together on how to best keep me from getting anything done.

“I’ll have a meltdown, and then you throw flower all over the floor, and then Elana will start crying. It’s perfect!!!!!!!!” (I swear I heard Leah tell Elias this the other day)

Now all day long, I get to practice keeping my irritability and anger at bay. I tell myself constantly that I have been given three beautiful and wonderful gifts. My children are precious souls, made in the image of God and given to me by my creator, and I have the inexplicable privilege and responsibility to raise and teach them.

Leah has started saying something to me that has made me come face to face with my sinful anger. She looks at me, and with her adorable little voice she says : “why are you angry at me, mommy?”

Wow.

It cuts me to the quick (by the way, I have no idea what that expression means…. It makes no sense, but I digress). I don't want my children to think I am angry all the time. I really really, really don't want that.

My sinful self wants to respond: “I am allowed to be angry at you, because you are not doing what I want you to do!” My sinful self tries to justify that anger, because after all, she is disobeying. And kids shouldn’t disobey their parents, and God wants me to teach her to obey. Therefore, I am allowed to be angry.

But that is definitely not true, and definitely not biblical. “Be angry yet do not sin.” I wish I could look at Leah and truthfully say: “I am not angry, I am sad because your behavior is not honoring to God. “ But truthfully, that’s not why I am angry.

In my heart, this is what I ‘m yelling: “I’m angry because you are driving me crazy! I want to have a peaceful day! I don’t want to have to deal with your whining and your disobedience! I want to do what I want to do! I want a clean house, and clean kids, and obedient kids, and I want to eat my lunch while it’s fresh, and I want to pee in private, and I want to be able to work out alone, and I want to have the perfect family that all my facebook friends seem to have! Not only do I want all of this, but I deserve all of this, dang it!”

So I usually have to apologize to Leah for being angry (If someone had told me two years ago that I would have to apologize to my three year old multiple times a day I would have laughed), and tell her that her behavior is not honoring to God, and that neither is mine, and that we both need Jesus. It gets complicated, because I still have the responsibility to teach and train my children. I have to discipline and admonish, set limits and enforce them. I just wish I could do all of this without sinning. Without my selfishness creeping in. Without sinful anger creeping in.

But I can’t. I will never be perfect this side of eternity. I do, however, have the Holy Spirit in me. The same power that raised Christ from the dead dwells in me, and with his help, and his help only I can win small battles every day. I can only do this by remembering that I am more sinful than I dare imagine, but more loved and forgiven than I can ever believe (I finally get it, dad!)

Idolatry on Easter

It's every mother's dream. That wonderful picture of all of her children in their adorable matching easter outfits that validates her existence as a stay at home mom.

Well, here are our best easter pics this year:

There comes a point where you realize that these pictures are not worth it. It's just not going to happen. Christ is risen and is sitting on his throne, and because of this we have no guilt in life and no fear in death. Therefore, I don't have to place my identity in posting super cute, wonderful pictures of my children in their easter outfits.

t-ball cuteness

Leah had her first big t-ball game the other night, and the cuteness is truly truly overwhelming.

Tony is one of the "parent coaches" but he had to step in as the main coach for the first game. He did a great job. That is, as good a job as you can do when trying to herd a gaggle of 3 and 4 year olds around the bases.

Seriously, little kids in baseball uniforms has to be the cutest thing ever.

Now, this is 3 and 4 year old t-ball, so we don't play outs and everyone scores, so there really is no winner or loser.... but I say the orioles came out with a win on this one.

Brotherly love

Embrace the camera

I thought I wouldn't get around to it... but I did.

Embracing the camera with

my handsome buddy

and my little Elana

Tinkerbell

Lately Leah has been pretending to be tinkerbell. She finally got to fly!

cat in the hat

I think I have mentioned that I read the "Cat in the Hat" to my kids quite often. In fact, Leah kind of "reads" it along with me now. This is my favorite part of the story. I can say it really really fast:

"Look at me
Look at me
Look at me now!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how!
I can hold up the cup
and the milk and the cake
I can hold up these books
and the fish on the rake
I can hold the toy ship
and a little toy man
and look! with my tail
I can hold a red fan
I can fan with my fan
as I hope on the ball
But that is not all!
Oh no, that is not all!"

I got to thinking that this is how I feel in my own life sometimes, so I made up a little rhyme:

"Look at me
Look at me
Look at me Now!
3 kids are so easy
You just have to know how!
I can shop with my toddlers
While carrying my baby in a sling
I buy only whole foods
and make delicious meals while we sing.
I read to them all at least an hour everyday
And with a snap of my fingers I can make them obey.
We go strawberry picking
and I make my own jam,
I'm just so wonderful,
I really really am.
And I can do
all of these things with a smile
And I can nurse my baby, all the while."

This is how I sometimes feel. I get to feeling a little cocky, a little sure of myself, a little smug. I forget that I need Jesus even when things are going really well. I get to thinking that I can do this alone. That I have motherhood down pat. But here is the next line in the cat in the Hat story:

"That is what the cat said,
The he fell on his head.
He came down with a bump
From up there on the ball
and Sally and I
We saw ALL the things fall!"

That sums it up in a nutshell. It really is the vicious cycle of sin in my life. I have a couple of really good days, where everything goes as planed, my kids are obedient and pleasant, I am able to accomplish my goals, and I feel very very confident. The only problem: that confidence is in myself, and not in my creator. And I am bound to fall.

I then have many many days where nothing goes right; I have a bad attitude, my kids act crazy, my house is a mess, and I realize once again that I need Jesus every single moment of my life. That I can't do this mom thing and this wife thing without him. I am slowly becoming more and more aware that I will never get to a place where I no longer need Christ. And that this is a good thing.