Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
conversations
So this afternoon right before nap time Leah and I had a conversation that stuck in my head a little bit. I was reading The Cat in the Hat to Elias for the 3rd time that day (btw I have the whole thing memorized. Ask me to recite it the next time I see you. For real.) and I was holding Elana up on my lap too. Leah was playing with her new T-ball glove and ball, and all of a sudden she acted like she was going to throw the ball right in Elanas face.
Naturally, I quickly told her "Never throw a ball at Elana! She can't catch it and it will hurt her a lot!" Well, Leah immediately burst into tears. I thought I scared her, or that she felt bad about almost hurting her sister. Not quite.
"But I want to hurt her!" she says.
"What??" I was sure I misunderstood her. She must have meant that she did NOT want to hurt her, right?
"I want to hurt her! I'm sad because I want to hurt her, and you said no!!!!!"
Great, my daughter is a psychopath. That was my first thought. But as she stood there, holding the ball and crying, I realized that she's not a psychopath. Just a sinner. A sinner who is struggling with the reality that she can't do the things that she wants to do. A sinner who's desires are rooted in a heart that is turned away from God. A sinner who is frustrated because she does the things she doesn't want to do, and doesn't do the things she does want to do. (No, she did not quote Romans, but I feel its still applicable.) We all struggle with this, even 3 year olds.
Anywho, we talked about how sin makes us want to do mean things, and that the only way we can think kind thoughts is if God changes our hearts. Once again I told her about how Jesus died so that our hearts can be beautiful. I told her that mommys sometimes think mean things too, and that mommy's and Daddy's need Jesus. We both prayed and asked God to help us think kind things about others. Then Leah said "Lanie you're so cute!!!!!" and gave her a hug and went back to playing. I finished reading the Cat and the Hat, and that was that. (see what I did there with the rhyme?)
This conversation struck me for two reasons.
1. It reminded me of the basic truth of the gospel: we are great sinners and we have a great savior.
2. I have the wonderful privilege of being the primary "missionary" to my children, so to speak. Sometimes I get bogged down in how tedious the days are. How every day the house is dirty again, the kids are whiny again, and the laundry is never done. Sometimes I think "seriously, this is my life???" when Elana spits up on me and Elias wipes his snot on my shirt. But then I am struck with how blessed I am to be able to stay at home with my young kids and have conversations like this with them. Because really, you can have gospel conversations all day long if you want to.
Now I'm not naive. Leah praying a prayer right now is pretty much just her repeating what I have told her many many times. I have no idea whether or not her heart is in any way changed. I have no idea when and if the Holy Spirit will do that work in her, and I believe that it is God who is going to have to change her heart, and not me. But, I also know that God has entrusted the bulk of the teaching to us (her parents), and that he will use us to bring her to a saving knowledge of her savior. That can be a pretty terrifying thought as well, though, because I know this will come as quite a shock, but not all of our conversations during the day go like that one. I am far more impatient and selfish than I ever realized, and my idols rear their ugly heads quite frequently. But God is sovereign, and as one of my wise friends told me, I am not powerful enough to screw up God's plan for my children. A very comforting thought, knowing that God is able to redeem my horrible parenting moments.
Anyways, I digress. Those were my thoughts of the day. Now I'm going to watch Law and Order on Netflix.
Naturally, I quickly told her "Never throw a ball at Elana! She can't catch it and it will hurt her a lot!" Well, Leah immediately burst into tears. I thought I scared her, or that she felt bad about almost hurting her sister. Not quite.
"But I want to hurt her!" she says.
"What??" I was sure I misunderstood her. She must have meant that she did NOT want to hurt her, right?
"I want to hurt her! I'm sad because I want to hurt her, and you said no!!!!!"
Great, my daughter is a psychopath. That was my first thought. But as she stood there, holding the ball and crying, I realized that she's not a psychopath. Just a sinner. A sinner who is struggling with the reality that she can't do the things that she wants to do. A sinner who's desires are rooted in a heart that is turned away from God. A sinner who is frustrated because she does the things she doesn't want to do, and doesn't do the things she does want to do. (No, she did not quote Romans, but I feel its still applicable.) We all struggle with this, even 3 year olds.
Anywho, we talked about how sin makes us want to do mean things, and that the only way we can think kind thoughts is if God changes our hearts. Once again I told her about how Jesus died so that our hearts can be beautiful. I told her that mommys sometimes think mean things too, and that mommy's and Daddy's need Jesus. We both prayed and asked God to help us think kind things about others. Then Leah said "Lanie you're so cute!!!!!" and gave her a hug and went back to playing. I finished reading the Cat and the Hat, and that was that. (see what I did there with the rhyme?)
This conversation struck me for two reasons.
1. It reminded me of the basic truth of the gospel: we are great sinners and we have a great savior.
2. I have the wonderful privilege of being the primary "missionary" to my children, so to speak. Sometimes I get bogged down in how tedious the days are. How every day the house is dirty again, the kids are whiny again, and the laundry is never done. Sometimes I think "seriously, this is my life???" when Elana spits up on me and Elias wipes his snot on my shirt. But then I am struck with how blessed I am to be able to stay at home with my young kids and have conversations like this with them. Because really, you can have gospel conversations all day long if you want to.
Now I'm not naive. Leah praying a prayer right now is pretty much just her repeating what I have told her many many times. I have no idea whether or not her heart is in any way changed. I have no idea when and if the Holy Spirit will do that work in her, and I believe that it is God who is going to have to change her heart, and not me. But, I also know that God has entrusted the bulk of the teaching to us (her parents), and that he will use us to bring her to a saving knowledge of her savior. That can be a pretty terrifying thought as well, though, because I know this will come as quite a shock, but not all of our conversations during the day go like that one. I am far more impatient and selfish than I ever realized, and my idols rear their ugly heads quite frequently. But God is sovereign, and as one of my wise friends told me, I am not powerful enough to screw up God's plan for my children. A very comforting thought, knowing that God is able to redeem my horrible parenting moments.
Anyways, I digress. Those were my thoughts of the day. Now I'm going to watch Law and Order on Netflix.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Letter J
This Blog post is brought to you by.....
The Letter J
Leah wanted to draw a J today during "craft time" for her friends Jack, Jameson, and Jesus.
The Letter J
Leah wanted to draw a J today during "craft time" for her friends Jack, Jameson, and Jesus.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Embrace the camera
So I'm jumping on the embrace the camera bandwagon. Mainly because my Sister in Law Sarah has been doing it for years, and my sister Katie just started it. I'm pretty much a follower like that.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sweet Buddy
This little dude is in a pretty challenging stage right now.
But he sure is sweet and cute!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Blogging rut
So I'm in a total blogging rut right now. I literally can't think of anything to write about right now. Oh well. Here is a cute picture :)
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
25 Random things
So some of my friends have been doing the 25 random thing post on facebook. I did one two years ago, so I just reposted that one, but it kinda made me want to do a new one. But, I didn't want all of my hundreds of friends on facebook to think that I am that lame person who has to write about themselves constantly, so I decided to write one on here. You know, cause way less people read my blog. (just as a side note, I'll probably re-use some material)
1. I never, ever, ever, fill out or do a "random things" posts. No exceptions.
2. I hate throwing parties of any kind because I'm afraid no one will show up, and I'll be left with a huge cake a sense of intense self loathing.
3. I have developed a strong affinity for Sid the Science kid. I used to hate him... but his infectious enthusiasm has grown on me.
4. My celebrity crushes are: Jack Bauer (NOT Keifer Sutherland... the actual Jack Bauer character), Andy Griffith, you know, from the Andy Griffith show, not Matlock; and Pa , from little house on the prairie (the TV show, not the book). Also detective Elliot Stabler from Law in Order SVU.
5. On that note, growing up I felt a strong kinship with Laura Ingalls Wilder (from the books, not the TV show). Probably because we both have brown hair. Our bond was real.
6. When we were growing up we watched the Andy Griffith show, Little House on the Prairie, Leave it to Beaver, and Gilligans Island. I literally thought this was what the "normal" American Teen watched during the 80s and 90s. I had no idea these shows were from the 50's.
7. I used to think that "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" was a French TV show.
8. I thought Celine Dion only sang in French.
9. If you haven't guessed by now, I grew up in France.
10. I am incredibly obsessed with Harry Potter. I kind of want to be a witch. Not the bad kind though. No unforgivable curses for me.
11. I just read the Twilight series. I read all four books in less than a week. I have been having weird vampire dreams.
12. As evidenced by numbers 10, 11, and 5, I tend to develop strange bonds with the characters I read about in books.
13. I love love love love love chick-fil-A. I actually tear up and become emotional when I talk about it.
14. I think I would make an incredible football announcer. I know reading this will actually make Andrew and Joel cringe (they hate female announcers).
15. During football season I listen to Mike and Mike every morning (or I try to... it's gotten progressively more difficult to do with each child added to the family)
16. I used to be very afraid of the telephone. And by afraid, I really mean afraid. I probably should have been medicated for this. It's gotten a little better.
17. I am an ER nurse, so I am a little bit jaded when it comes to accidents/injuries. If you are ever injured, and I say something like "wow, that's awesome", that probably does not bode well for you.
18. I have been on weight watchers for the past month. I would like to say this has been easy, but it hasn't. I love food.
19. I tend to sing the wrong words to songs. All the time. Even Leah starts correcting me now.
20. I started this post about 8 months ago, and I am just now coming back to finish it. Kind of depressing. Both because I didn't originally finish it, and because I'm actually coming back to finish it. Figure that one out!
21. I used to be a good writer. Now it pains my brain to put two sentences together.
22. As a testament of love to my husband, I have been watching Star Trek with him for the past two years or so. We have watched all of Star Trek next Generation and are now watching Star Trek Voyager. I'll admit that it's growing on me.
23. Ever since 24 and Lost ended almost two years ago (has it really been that long?) I have not had a show that I could really obsess over. I miss it. Please give me suggestions. I like to be obsessed with things.
24. If you ever hear me say "Why are they crawling so close together!!!!!!" and you know what I mean by that, then you know me very well.
25. I can't think of a 25th thing right now, and my kids are awake from their naps. So I'm going to publish this even though it's incomplete, because if I don't then I never will, and all of this hard work will be for nothing.
1. I never, ever, ever, fill out or do a "random things" posts. No exceptions.
2. I hate throwing parties of any kind because I'm afraid no one will show up, and I'll be left with a huge cake a sense of intense self loathing.
3. I have developed a strong affinity for Sid the Science kid. I used to hate him... but his infectious enthusiasm has grown on me.
4. My celebrity crushes are: Jack Bauer (NOT Keifer Sutherland... the actual Jack Bauer character), Andy Griffith, you know, from the Andy Griffith show, not Matlock; and Pa , from little house on the prairie (the TV show, not the book). Also detective Elliot Stabler from Law in Order SVU.
5. On that note, growing up I felt a strong kinship with Laura Ingalls Wilder (from the books, not the TV show). Probably because we both have brown hair. Our bond was real.
6. When we were growing up we watched the Andy Griffith show, Little House on the Prairie, Leave it to Beaver, and Gilligans Island. I literally thought this was what the "normal" American Teen watched during the 80s and 90s. I had no idea these shows were from the 50's.
7. I used to think that "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" was a French TV show.
8. I thought Celine Dion only sang in French.
9. If you haven't guessed by now, I grew up in France.
10. I am incredibly obsessed with Harry Potter. I kind of want to be a witch. Not the bad kind though. No unforgivable curses for me.
11. I just read the Twilight series. I read all four books in less than a week. I have been having weird vampire dreams.
12. As evidenced by numbers 10, 11, and 5, I tend to develop strange bonds with the characters I read about in books.
13. I love love love love love chick-fil-A. I actually tear up and become emotional when I talk about it.
14. I think I would make an incredible football announcer. I know reading this will actually make Andrew and Joel cringe (they hate female announcers).
15. During football season I listen to Mike and Mike every morning (or I try to... it's gotten progressively more difficult to do with each child added to the family)
16. I used to be very afraid of the telephone. And by afraid, I really mean afraid. I probably should have been medicated for this. It's gotten a little better.
17. I am an ER nurse, so I am a little bit jaded when it comes to accidents/injuries. If you are ever injured, and I say something like "wow, that's awesome", that probably does not bode well for you.
18. I have been on weight watchers for the past month. I would like to say this has been easy, but it hasn't. I love food.
19. I tend to sing the wrong words to songs. All the time. Even Leah starts correcting me now.
20. I started this post about 8 months ago, and I am just now coming back to finish it. Kind of depressing. Both because I didn't originally finish it, and because I'm actually coming back to finish it. Figure that one out!
21. I used to be a good writer. Now it pains my brain to put two sentences together.
22. As a testament of love to my husband, I have been watching Star Trek with him for the past two years or so. We have watched all of Star Trek next Generation and are now watching Star Trek Voyager. I'll admit that it's growing on me.
23. Ever since 24 and Lost ended almost two years ago (has it really been that long?) I have not had a show that I could really obsess over. I miss it. Please give me suggestions. I like to be obsessed with things.
24. If you ever hear me say "Why are they crawling so close together!!!!!!" and you know what I mean by that, then you know me very well.
25. I can't think of a 25th thing right now, and my kids are awake from their naps. So I'm going to publish this even though it's incomplete, because if I don't then I never will, and all of this hard work will be for nothing.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
18 months
My little buddy is 18 months old!
Allright, some things about Elias:
- He doesn't say many actual words yet, except for mama, dada, bye, and cheese, but he is pointing and babbles a ton.
- He loves cars and trains. he walks around with them goes "choo choo!!!"
- He really really loves to read books now, which is awesome! His favorite books are "chugga chugga choo choo" "Tugga Tug boat", "Mr. Brown can Moo" and "Goodnight moon".
- He is incredibly cuddly. He loves to be held and give hugs and kisses.
- He likes to try to lay on top of Elana and poke her eyes. She is not a big fan of this.
- He follows Leah around and generally wants to play with anything she has.
- He loves cheese, raisins, peanut butter and jelly, and chewing on apple cores.
- He constantly has bruises on his forehead, mainly because when he gets upset he tends to through himself down, often into a door, or wall.
- He loves climbing on the kitchen table and eating salt.
- He also likes throwing things in the toilet, like my phone and my wallet.
- He can get very very jealous when I am holding either Leah or Elana.... this can get kind of frustrating.
- He is incredibly messy. All the time. With everything.
- He loves his daddy very very much.... it's so sweet!
Allright, some things about Elias:
- He doesn't say many actual words yet, except for mama, dada, bye, and cheese, but he is pointing and babbles a ton.
- He loves cars and trains. he walks around with them goes "choo choo!!!"
- He really really loves to read books now, which is awesome! His favorite books are "chugga chugga choo choo" "Tugga Tug boat", "Mr. Brown can Moo" and "Goodnight moon".
- He is incredibly cuddly. He loves to be held and give hugs and kisses.
- He likes to try to lay on top of Elana and poke her eyes. She is not a big fan of this.
- He follows Leah around and generally wants to play with anything she has.
- He loves cheese, raisins, peanut butter and jelly, and chewing on apple cores.
- He constantly has bruises on his forehead, mainly because when he gets upset he tends to through himself down, often into a door, or wall.
- He loves climbing on the kitchen table and eating salt.
- He also likes throwing things in the toilet, like my phone and my wallet.
- He can get very very jealous when I am holding either Leah or Elana.... this can get kind of frustrating.
- He is incredibly messy. All the time. With everything.
- He loves his daddy very very much.... it's so sweet!
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